The Four Things That Matter Most

The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living
By Dr. Ira Byock

In The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, Dr. Ira Byock shares wisdom and practical insights from decades of experience as a physician and international palliative care leader to help us strengthen or heal relationships with loved ones. Through the many diverse patients he has worked with at the end of life, Dr. Byock shares the four simple universal truths he has found we all need to say and hear: “Please forgive me,” “ I forgive you,” “Thank you,” and "I love you.”

Byock provides a full spectrum of real-life examples of how the Four Things bring peace even in the most complicated situations. He explores how we can express these sentiments to a loved one who is no longer themselves due to dementia, has already passed on, or was an abusive or absent parent. The beauty of this book is that, as the subtitle notes, it’s a book about living and, as such, also applies to the loss of relationships, such as through divorce or estrangement, as well as simply deepening our connections with others before it’s too late. 

Within the intimate stories Dr. Byock shares of the families he has worked with, you will likely see a version of yourself or your loved one. Have you ever thought, “Well, what could I even say to my loved one after all that has happened?” Or, “Why would I ever ask for forgiveness from them?” In these pages, you can read exactly that. Sharings of what families have said to each other in the most critical of times when wounds seemed beyond repair. These stories are a reminder that we can muster the courage to overcome the temporary fear and discomfort of a difficult conversation in exchange for long-term connection and healing. 

Everyone has something to learn from this book of simple universal truths. By allowing the Four Things to settle into the fabric of our lives, we can repair relationships, create meaning, and live with less regret and more peace.